Love and longing are almost tangible in each word he puts down, and we all, familiar with love’s pains and sufferings, can relate to every single one…
“… why this deep grief, where necessity speaks – can our love exist but by sacrifices, by not demanding everything. Can you change it, that you are not completely mine, that I am not completely yours?”
And, as always in love, there is hope that keeps the love alive. With every word the object of his affection is less distant and more real…
“We will probably see each other soon, only, today I cannot convey to you my observations which I made during these few days about my life – If our hearts were always close together, I would have no such thoughts. my heart is full with so much to tell you – Oh – There are moments when I feel that language is nothing at all.”
But maybe the most loving, sincere words filled with longing and desire are kept in letter written the day after…
“Good morning, on 7th July.
While still in bed my thoughts turn towards you my Immortal Beloved, now and then happy, then sad again, waiting whether fate might answer us – I can only live either wholly with you or not at all, yes I have resolved to stray about in the distance, until I can fly into your arms, and send my soul embraced by you into the realm of the Spirits – yes unfortunately it must be – you will compose yourself all the more since you know my faithfulness to you, never can another own my heart, never – never – O God why do I have to separate from someone whom I love so much, and yet my life in V[ienna] as it is now is a miserable life – Your love makes me at once most happy and most unhappy – at my age I would now need some conformity[,] regularity of my life – can this exist in our relationship? – Angel, I have just heard that the mail coach goes every day – and thus I must finish so that you may receive the letter immediately. – be patient – only through quiet contemplation of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm; for only by calmly considering our lives can we achieve our purpose of living together.- be calm – love me – today – yesterday – What yearning with tears for you – you – you my life – my everything – farewell – oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your Beloved
Supposedly romantic as he was, Ludwig, despite many liaisons, was unable to form a lasting attachment to one woman, and had remained single his entire life. With this fact in mind, I cannot help but wonder whether such depth of feeling, and such yearning would be possible if it had not been aimed at a person unattainable?
Is unavailability the crucial ingredient of longing so deep and intense, as if knowing that the one we are longing for is available, but not to an extent we are hoping for?
We’ve come a long way from mail carriages and weekly delivery – with today’s technology the most beautiful love messages are deleted – rather than kept in a drawer. Stolen in uncertainty and born out of longing and yearning, they are as ephemeral as summer dew… with the first glimpse of Sun they are gone. Yet they remain the most precious and most sincere, and, probably, the most loving of them all. There is an uncanny force in longing that makes the objects of our passions more precious, more wanted, more desired. With each hour passing the desire increases.
But, a romantic soul in every one of us will know… this is how love longing sounds like…